Bennett Lee. the birth story.

Our third son Bennett Lee was born on January 11th, but it's taken me a while to sit down and write out his birth story.  I've tried a few times before this, but I couldn't do it.  Seeing his birth in writing makes it so .... permanent.

I've learned that it takes time to process a birth - not only the happenings but also the emotions entwined in it.  Birth isn't just physical.  It's emotional.  So very very emotional.  And this birth was so different from both of my others - both physically and emotionally.  Not better or worse.  Just .... different.  But now that I've had some time to process my feelings and recount the day's happenings, I'm finally at a place where I can write it down.  So here goes.

Our due date was January 10th, but since my first two babies came a few days past their due dates, I really wasn't expecting a baby until at least Jan 15th.  Not sure why I had that date stuck in my head, but there it was.  So it was no surprise that I woke up pregnant on January 11th, a Saturday.  I did, however, wake up to a few "stronger than Braxton Hicks" contractions.  Nothing too serious, but strong enough to wake me up.  I tried timing them, but I was tired and telling time at 4am is not my strong suit.  They were perhaps 10-15 minutes apart.  Maybe this is it?  But 7am comes around, the two noisy big brothers roll out of bed yelling at each other and, as suspected, contractions spaced out to nearly non-existent.

Chris took the boys down stairs and started making breakfast while I enjoyed an extra half hour of sleep.  I eventually waddle downstairs and join them for breakfast.  I told Chris I had had a few contractions, but it's most likely nothing.  The boys are still bickering with each other (hello cabin fever) and I feel like crap!  As it turns out, I developed a lovely case of shingles that week.  Yes, shingles.  So not only am I 40 weeks pregnant, but I have this painful, burning rash wrapped around my rib cage.  Lovely.  So Chris graciously offers to take the boys out to the zoo so I can enjoy some quiet time alone.  I love that man!

While they were gone, I tried timing these contractions but they were the farthest thing from consistent.  10 minutes apart.  Then 8, 15, 12, 7, 14 minutes apart.  They were strong enough to cause me to pause during each one, but the inconsistency made me believe I was in super early labor (if I was in labor at all).  I texted my doula (who lives an hour away) to let her know to keep her phone close by, but I really wasn't expecting anything to pick up until maybe that evening when the boys went to bed.  The contractions weren't consistent and with  the kids awake, I knew nothing would progress.  And besides, who has a baby in the middle of the day anyway??

After the boys left, I putsed around the house - I took a shower, dried my hair, prepped a crock pot meal for supper, made sandwiches for the boys' lunch - all the while having these really random contractions.  It felt good to lean forward during them.  And each contraction I felt solely in my lower abdomen.  In fact, I had to feel the top of my uterus with my hand to see if it was even contracting that high.  It was.  You see, this baby sat sooooo low throughout my whole pregnancy that all my broad ligaments were maxed out.  Stretched, achy and cramping.  And that is where I felt each and every contraction.  It hurt, but they were mild enough that I was handling them fine.

Chris and the kids came home around 12:30pm and I sat them down for lunch.  A contraction came on and I leaned over the table to breath through it.  And then Chris starts to get a bit nervous.  "What's going on?  Are they getting stronger??  Should I call someone to come get the boys?"  They were getting stronger, but I really didn't feel the need for the boys to leave.  "I'm fine" I told him.  "They're so putsy putsy, this may not even be labor at all."  I honestly didn't think I was in labor and I really didn't want to call our whole birth team over just to have them sit around twiddling their thumbs.  But after a few more of the "stop me in my tracks" contractions, Chris calls Grandma Gale to get the boys.  And then he starts filling the birth pool!

"What are you doing?!??  This is a little premature, don't you think??"  And now Brooks and Carter were getting excited too.  They're hovering around the pool asking "Is the baby coming today?  Are you going to get in the water and push the baby out, Mama?"   I didn't even know what to say to them.  Um ..... maybe?  The baby might come today.  I didn't want to get their hopes up if this turned out to not be labor after all.  And while the pool is filling, Chris is packing the boys' backpack, pulling down the boxes filled with our birth supplies and getting the house ready to have a baby.

Whoa!  Seriously?  We're doing this?  I am NOT in labor and we do NOT need these things!  He was making me nervous with all his bustling about.  Several times I told him to sit down.  Finally he stops and says to me "Do you NOT remember how fast Carter's labor was?  I need to get all this set up so that I can focus on you.  You don't want me filling the birth pool when labor really picks up and you need me."

Fine.  I finally conceded to his birth preparations.  I breathed through a few more contractions while he worked.  Grandma and Papa Gale arrived a little before 2pm.  A contraction came while they were here, so I stepped into the bathroom, breathed though it and them come back out to chat with them.  I still felt kind of silly asking them to take the boys so early, but even if labor did stall out, I would at least enjoy a quiet afternoon with my husband.  That would be nice.  I kiss both the boys good-bye and they all head out.

After they left, Chris made me some toast and I sat down to eat lunch.  A few stronger contractions came while I was eating and I told Chris to call Sara, our doula.  Since she was coming from Vermillion, an hour away, and has two young children of her own, I wanted to give her enough time to make it here.  She offered to send over her back-up doula, Niki, until she arrived but we declined.  Labor was still going slow and we were handling things fine.  Chris was timing contractions now and they were finally settling into an every 8 minute pattern.  We contemplated calling our midwife, but decided we'd wait until things picked up a bit.  I just knew this was going to be my "all day" labor.

When I finished eating, I laid down on the couch for a bit.  The contractions hurt more while laying down so I got up and knelt over the couch.  That felt better.  Then I moved over to the floor by the pool.  It was the middle of the afternoon and the sun was beaming in though the window.  I wanted to sit in the sunshine.  So there I am.  Sitting on the floor - just soaking up the warmth of the sun.  Contractions were getting stronger, but still 8 minutes apart.  Chris and I were talking and laughing in between them.  And it was nice.  It was how I pictured labor to be.  Calm and relaxed.  I even joked with Chris, Wouldn't it be great if we had a baby before supper? knowing fully that this labor would go well into the evening.

A little after 3pm, I had a few contractions that were 5 minutes apart.  We decided to call Debbie, our midwife.  And then I decided I wanted to get in the birth pool.  Contractions were becoming increasingly stronger and I wanted to relax in the water.  About 3:15pm, Sara arrives and finishes getting the house ready for the birth - making our bed, laying out plastic sheets and such.

When I first sat in the water, it felt so good.  The warm water was as relaxing as I thought it would be.  And then I had a few contractions.  Whooo, were they strong.  Having never labored in such a big pool before, I wasn't quite sure how to situate myself.  But I ended up on my knees, leaning over the edge of the pool.  And now, after just a few minutes in the water, these contractions became really intense.  I mean, barely making it through each one kind of intense.  I was relaxing as best as I could, moaning, yelling and cutting off the circulation in Chris' hand.  But still they came even stronger.  And that's when the fear set in.  I still have it in my head that this is going to last several more hours, and I can barely handle it right now.  I felt like I was drowning in these contractions.  I wasn't sure if I could handle even a few more, let alone countless more over the next few hours.  And because all the pain is still concentrated on my cramping ligaments, it didn't matter how much I relaxed during each contraction.  They still hurt like hell.  This was not peaceful.  Or relaxing.  And all of a sudden, this was no fun at all.

A little after 3:30pm, Debbie and her assistant arrived.  I heard her come in, but I never saw her until after Bennett was born since I had my head buried in a towel on the edge of the pool, overwhelmed with contractions.

And then the mother of all contractions came.  And about the time it was "supposed" to be over, it wasn't.  It just kept coming.  And coming.  And coming.  For 4 minutes it came.  I remember saying out loud "It's not stopping.  Why is it not stopping?"  And I officially panicked.  I truly doubted my ability to birth this baby.  I questioned our decision to have this baby at home - away from all drugs & pain relief.  And for the first time during any of my labors, I was really scared.  Chris kept saying what a good job I was doing.  Sara was telling me that the baby was coming soon.  But I didn't believe a word of it.  I was handling these contractions terribly and I still had hours to go.

(I'm pretty sure at this point everyone knew I was in transition .... except me.)

And just about that time, a contraction came and I grunted at the peak of it.  Wait.  Was that a push?  I can't be pushing, can I?  This must be what's called "wishful" pushing.  Because as much as I wanted to be pushing, I still didn't believe I was at the end of labor.  It had just started after all.

And then with the next few contractions, I pushed.  But I still wasn't sure if that's what I was really doing.  The sensations are totally different in the water.  I felt pressure, but not the bearing down sensation I felt with the other two boys.  In fact, I actually reached my hand down to feel if there was a baby even coming.  Sure enough.  There was.  My bag of water was still intact, because that's what I actually felt.  But I knew baby was right behind it.  And I kept thinking "Does anyone know I'm pushing?  Is it ok that I'm pushing?"  Because no one said anything.  Not a word.  Our midwife just stood by and quietly observed.  I felt like I should have mentioned that a head was coming, but I couldn't get the words out.  She obviously knew what was going on, but it was just so different to not be given any instructions - to just allow my body to push as I felt the urge to push.  With a few more grunts and pushes, the head was out.  It just kind of ... slid out.  Birthing in the water is so different.  It didn't really hurt.  Just a whole lot of pressure.

With the next contraction (which seemed to take forever to come) I started pushing out the rest of this baby.  Chris was still holding my hands, and Debbie said to him "Dad, if you want to catch this baby, you better get back there."  Apparently neither of us knew baby was coming this quick!  So he rushed back, and just as the baby was slipping out, Chris caught him in the water and lifted him up.

I turned over and was finally able to meet this baby face to face!!  And as Chris handed him to me he said with tears in his eyes "We have a little boy".  I couldn't believe it.  I felt like labor just started and here was this sweet baby boy already in my arms.  He was beautiful with dark hair and the cutest little snorts and grunts as he cried.  Our third son was absolutely perfect.

Bennett Lee was born at 3:45pm, less than 10 minutes after Debbie arrived and about 30 minutes after Sara arrived.  My friend Katie, our photographer, was still on her way.  She missed the birth, but thankfully Sara grabbed our camera and took pictures for us.  I'm so thankful that she did.

About 20 minutes after Bennett was born, Katie showed up and took some more pictures.  Niki, another doula and friend, also came to offer her support.  We were surrounded by so many fantastic people.  I'm still overwhelmed thinking about how blessed and loved we were (and still are!).

After he handed me my baby, Chris climbed in the pool with me and we both became acquainted with our new son.  What an amazing feeling to be holding this child that we've been waiting for for the last nine months.  I cried.  Chris cried.  Both so very thankful for all we've been blessed with.

It didn't take long to again realize how different the water made this birth.  Because when I normally feel the instant relief after birth, I still hurt.  My uterus hurt.  Now my bottom hurt.  And the post birth contractions still hurt like crazy.  I couldn't quite figure out why, since the baby was already out.  But every few minutes a contraction came and I would wince in pain.  Focusing on the baby helped some, but I was really ready to be done with these contractions.  I had put in my time and was done.

After an hour of skin to skin and bonding with Bennett, Debbie mentioned that we really needed to get the placenta out.  I was surprised that it still hadn't come.  She suggested that I get out of the pool to push it out.  We cut the umbilical cord so I could get out, and Chris was able to enjoy skin to skin time with our sweet boy.

I started to stand up to move out of the tub, but was instantly struck with a major cramp and I sat back down in the pool.  Good grief, why did these contractions hurt so bad?  And where was this darn placenta?  In birth's past, it's detached on it's own and the midwife just pulled it out.  But not today.  With Sara and Niki's help, I did eventually get out of the tub.  I squatted on the floor and had to actually push out my placenta, which I didn't really want to do since everything still hurt, but it had to come out.

I will never again give birth without doulas.  What amazing people!!

After that ordeal, I finished drying off and settled in on the couch.  Finally I felt some relief.  And it felt so good to lay down.  And here's the cool part.  While I was resting and nursing my baby, Debbie and her assistant, along with help from my doulas, all starting cleaning everything up.  Draining the pool, starting the laundry, washing up dishes, deflating the pool.  It was awesome.  Within a couple of hours you would have never known we just had a baby in our living room.  I got dressed, Katie ran and grabbed us some dinner (because we ended up having this baby before dinner after all!) and we - me, Chris and all our friends - sat around our living room, just hanging out and talking.  It was fantastic.  We were just at home, comfortable and relaxed.  And now we had a new baby to hold.

The two big brothers came home around 7pm that night and were able to meet their new brother.  They were so so excited to meet him and hold him!  They were just as anxious for him to arrive as we were.

And when everyone went home and the boys were tucked into their beds, we went to bed too.  In our own bed.  In our own house.  With no one interrupting us every hour to sign paperwork, check vitals or any of that other hospital protocol.  It was amazing.  And even though we had good births in the hospital, I am absolutely sold on home birth.  If we decide to have more children, I would love to have them at home!!

Carter James - A Birth Story

Saturday, September 3 - We were really hoping to have had a baby by now, but since we didn't we were thankful for one more Saturday to sleep in and enjoy a big breakfast.  I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions since 20 weeks with this pregnancy, but this morning they came every 5 minutes.  Still very mild and I was easily able to walk and talk through them, but still persistent.  I wanted to believe it was real labor but I knew better.  Just more warm-ups for the real thing.  In fact I was so convinced that nothing would come of them, that I let Chris go to Lifelight that afternoon to hear his brother's band play.

Brooks and I just hung around the house and played.  Contractions still 5 minutes apart, but no stronger at all.  I was getting kind of annoyed.  Either do something or go away.  When Chris got home around 4pm, I decided to take the dog for a walk and see if anything would come of these things.  We walked for about 45 minutes and although they increased in strength a little during our walk, as soon as I arrived back home they fizzled out again.  I took a nap around 6pm and they stopped altogether.  Fantastic.  This could go on for days.

Around 7:30 Chris' brother JD and his wife Pamela came over for supper and we enjoyed spending time out with them.  I had noticed my contractions were picking up a little (and I mean just a little) during that time where it felt better to pause for about 20 seconds at the peak of them but still didn't require any relaxation or even the need to close my eyes.  JD and Pamela left around 8:30pm and we put Brooks to bed.  I texted our friend EdithEllen (our babysitter) to tell her to keep her phone close by.  I was still convinced I wasn't in labor and wouldn't be for a long time, but I thought I'd give her a heads up .... just in case.

Around 9pm Chris, the ever planner, suggested going to bed.  If this did turn into labor, we both should rest now while we could.  I agreed but wasn't really tired so I quick checked e-mails and facebook and made it to bed around 9:15.  Contractions were still about 5 minutes apart, but as soon as I laid down they really picked up in strength.  Chris was laying next to me just timing contractions but I informed him I needed his coaching now.  I actually had to work to relax through these.  Contractions were only about 45 seconds long, but each one was much stronger and harder than the previous one.  Now I knew this was labor.  By 9:30 I realized things were moving faster than either of us expected.  Chris called EdithEllen to tell her we'd leave for the hospital in about half an hour.  He quickly grabbed the last few things for our hospital bag.

In about 10 minutes time, contractions went from 5 minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds to 2-3 minutes apart and lasting 1 minute 15 seconds.  Chris called EE and told her we'd leave as soon as she could get here.  He was now running, putting bags in the car and getting his shoes on.  In the meantime I starting shaking and feeling very nauseous!  I was hitting transition.  And I was in my bed at home!!!  I wasn't ready to have this baby here!

Chris saw what was happening and helped get me to the car.  We were ready to leave before EdithEllen arrived (figuring Brooks would be ok alone for a few minutes - he was sleeping), but thankfully she pulled up just as Chris was backing out of the driveway.  He gave her a few quick instructions and we were off.  Fortunately the hospital is only about 5 minutes away but it was the longest 5 minute drive of my life.  We were about 3 blocks from home and pulling onto Minnesota Ave (which is still very busy at 10 o'clock at night by the way) when a contraction came and I demanded that Chris stop the car.  I just couldn't do it with the bumpy roads.  He quickly pulled into the turning lane and stopped the car.  He held my hand through the contraction, and then informed me that we couldn't stop anymore.  We HAD to get to the hospital. 

I couldn't believe how strong and fast these contractions were coming.  I didn't have any urges to push so I knew this baby wouldn't be born in the car, but each contraction was still harder than the previous one.  I was a bit scared at how intense this could get. 

Chris called our midwife, Teri, while driving to tell her what was going on.  She said she'd meet us at the hospital.  We pulled up to the Emergency Entrance around 10:15pm.  There was a lot of pressure from this baby so I hobbled inside and they quickly got me a wheelchair.  We were there about 5 minutes before a nurse came down and wheeled me up to labor and delivery.  In the short walk we had to stop two or three times for a contraction.  Oh, they were so strong!

When we arrived on the labor and delivery floor they initially were going to take me to an exam room.  Not because they needed to make sure I was really in labor (clearly, I was) but because there wasn't a regular room ready.  I told them to just leave me in the hall .... I could have this baby anywhere!

Within a few minutes, they said the room was clean and ready.  They wheeled me in and the floors were still wet from mopping.  Guess I couldn't question if it was really clean.  I stood up from the wheelchair and Chris and I labored standing next to the bed.  Contractions were still coming every two minutes and lasting at least a minute.  The nurse was very accomodating and simply worked around us as she checked the baby with the EFM.  Oh yeah, the baby.  Honestly, because I was so focused on these intense contractions I forgot why they were happening in the first place.  Baby sounded good.  I changed into a gown and declined a vaginal exam.  I was having this baby whether I was a 4 or 7 ... it didn't really matter.

We labored in the room for a while and then I had to use the bathroom.  It felt good to pee, but contractions were coming even stronger and harder now.  In fact, if I had 30 seconds between them that was a long time.  And they didn't seem to have a gradual start, a peak and then taper off.  They just peaked and stayed there for the duration of the contraction.  I continued sitting on the toilet.  It didn't feel very good, but I was pretty sure these contractions would be painful in any position.  Chris put a pillow behind my back and supported my head.  The only way I could cope was to moan through each contraction.  The stronger the contraction, the louder I moaned.  So needless to say, it was pretty noisy in our room.  After laboring on the toilet for some time,  I told Chris I couldn't do this anymore.  I just couldn't.  He and Teri both reassured me I was doing great and that I could do it, but it was so hard!  If only I could get a break.  If only I had a bit more time between contractions.  But by the time I could utter "I need a break" another contraction hit.

Chris suggested standing back up - perhaps that would feel better.  I stood up & gravity seemd to take over.  After a few minutes my water broke.  Then I started pushing at the peaks (or what would have been the peaks) of contractions.  Soon enough I was pushing during the entire contraction.  I was still standing and it was quite uncomfortable pushing in this position.  I didn't feel like there was enough room for baby to come out.  Teri asked if I wanted to go back to the bed (I'm still in the bathroom, remember) and I told her I wouldn't make it. 

During my whole pregnancy I was determined to push this baby out squatting.  If Brazillian women could do it, darn it, so could I!!  So I squatted down and well ... that was even more uncomfortable than standing.  Then Teri said squatting puts a lot of pressure on the perineum and suggested hands and knees instead.  So on my knees I went.  I leaned forward into Chris' lap and pushed!!  I still didn't get a break in between contractions and they were still quite painful, even when pushing.  Since there wasn't a gradual start to them, I didn't have a chance to take the two cleansing breaths that I teach my students.  In fact I was thinking, I don't teach ANY of this!  All I could do was listen to my body and make it up as we went.  Just goes to show that you can't always script your birth.

Teri did a quick check and found a cervical lip, which she moved out of the way.  And then this baby came fast.  I mean, really fast!  I literally felt him slide down the birth canal.  The pressure was overwhelming.  Teri told me to do "little pushes" and I did my best to comply, but he really wanted to be born.  Within a minute or so, at 11:30pm our baby's head emerged.  Tremendous release!  (I believe there was a total of five minutes of pushing!)  I sat back up on my knees and grabbed my baby.  Oh how sweet to be holding this miracle in my arms.  Chris checked and announed it was a boy! 

I was in shock!  I couldn't believe how fast this labor went.  (just hours earlier I was having dinner with my brother & sister in law!)  I couldn't believe it was over and he was in my arms.  I couldn't believe it was a boy!  But he was perfect.  He looked just like Brooks.  And he was screaming.  A beautiful newborn cry that told me everything was ok.

Teri told me that since I was bleeding quite a bit (later I found out due to a partial placental abruption) she wanted to give me a shot of pitocin in my arm to avoid starting an IV.  I agreed and then we all walked to the bed, my beautiful baby boy in my arms.  We were able to leave his cord intact and have skin to skin time right away.  It was perfect.  The rest of the room just faded away as I laid there holding my baby boy.  He eventually stopped crying and I was fascinated as I looked into his eyes, so bright and so full of wonder.  Within the hour he latched on and nursed like a champ.  We didn't have a name for him since we sincerely thought this was a girl, but that didn't matter.  Not now, anyway.  Later we decided to call him Carter James.  It fits him well :)

I was so thankful for Chris who helped and supported me through the whole crazy labor.  I was so thankful for Teri for being such a calm presence and allowing us to have the birth we wanted.  And I couldn't stop thanking God for giving us such a precious new life, healthy and whole.  My heart was full.  It still is.  I loved being pregnant.  I loved giving birth.  And I love being a mama to my two wonderful boys.