Things I don't want to forget

I've noticed as I'm writing in Bennett's baby book that there's places to write down when his teeth came in, how much he weighs and what his sleeping & eating patterns are.  And while that's all well and good, there are lots of other things I want to remember about him that have no place in his book to write about.  So I'm going to write it here.

4 months

• Bennett snorts.  He snorts when he laughs.  He snorts when he cries.  He snorts when he takes a deep breath.  It's hilarious.  He's done it since the moment he was born.  Literally.  When Chris lifted my freshly hatched baby boy onto my chest, he started crying ..... and snorting.  I love that about him.
• He has many nicknames.  Chunkamonk.  Chubbers.  Benny.  Dr. Cheeks.  (It's funny to hear Carter call him that!)
• The first few months of his life we called Bennett "Grumpy Cat", because all he did was scowl.  All the time.  Scowling.  Even when I'd nurse him, he would scowl.  I was truly afraid that we were going to have a little pessimist on our hands.  I didn't even know babies knew how to scowl like that.  Thankfully, he's turned a corner and smiles and laughs all the time now.

Grumpy Cat - 2 months old

• He's a thumb sucker.  But he will only suck on his left thumb, which I think is funny.  At first I was very against allowing him to suck his thumb.  "That will be a terrible habit to break" I kept telling myself.  But then I noticed that when he'd start to fuss in his crib (usually right after laying him down), he'd pop his thumb in his mouth and fall right back asleep.  Yeah.  This kid can keep sucking his thumb. Plus, he's my third and all my preconceived ideas regarding raising kids are slowly disappearing.  I'll probably regret it later, but for now I'll enjoy the sleep it brings.
• He went through an awkward phase.  He was born with a genuine mullet - loooong hair in the back and almost nothing on top.  Then, what little hair he did have on top all fell out.  And around 10 days old he developed some of the worst infant acne I'd ever seen.  Poor kiddo.  (Maybe it would be ok if I did forget this phase.)  Thankfully, his face eventually cleared up and his hair grows super fast.



1 month old

• Bennett hates lying on his back.  We call him our Turtle.  When we hold him, it has to be upright.  Not even reclined on our lap.  Bolt upright.  If we do cradle him, it has to be on his side.  And even then he's not a super big fan.  And he sleeps on his tummy.  (shhhh, don't tell the AAP) He will lay on his back on the floor, but only for short periods of time.  Unless he's in the bathroom ....... because
• He loves the shower curtain.  Loves loves loves the shower curtain.  I lay him on the bath mat and he just talks and coos and plays with the curtain.  I don't know if it's the colors or the patterns or the fact that it looks 100 feet tall from his perspective, but I'm usually guaranteed at least 15-20 minutes of happy baby time if I lay him down in the bathroom.  

• He recognizes his brothers.  And he knows them well.  Whenever Brooks comes by, he smiles and laughs and talks to him.  When Carter comes near, Bennett almost always scowls.  But that's probably because Carter is the one who pokes his eyes, bites his fingers and rolls on top of him. (true story)

Brooks LOVES Bennett :)

• Bennett loves to be moving.  Whether it's in the car seat, stroller, or in my carrier, he wants to be moving.  He will loudly inform you if you've stopped moving.
• To date, I've lost 20lbs since he's been born.  (see above)
• Last weekend, his first two teeth came in.  At 4 months old.  I may have cried ... just a little.  My other two boys got teeth rather early (between 5 and 6 months) but never at 4 months!  My baby is just growing up too fast!!  Plus, now with two little razor blades in his mouth, I have to be extra cautious while nursing him.
• Bennett will take a bottle, but only if there's fresh pumped milk in it.  He does NOT like drinking milk that has been previously frozen.  High maintenance, much?
• He likes to sleep by himself.  It took me a while to figure this out, but at night I'll lay him in bed to nurse him.  And normally we would should both just fall back asleep.  But when Bennett's done eating, he'll start kicking me and fussing.  So I'd pull him in closer to try and settle him.  Then he'd start screaming at me.  Finally, I'd back away to see what the matter was and as soon as I wasn't touching him, he'd roll over and go to sleep.  Oh.  I guess you don't want to snuggle.  So I'd lay him in his bed, he'd stick his thumb in his mouth and go back to sleep.  I guess it's a good thing.  I really do sleep better without a tiny human attached to me.  But I kinda miss the squishy baby snuggles.
• Bennett won't comfort nurse.  With the other two, whenever they were sad or hurt or upset for any reason, I'd latch them on and all would be well in the world.  But not Bennett.  If he's not hungry, he won't nurse (which is hard to believe, really, given that at 4 months old, he already weighs 17lb!)  That also makes calming him down more challenging.  Nursing was my trump card ... the "easy" way to get my babies to sleep.  Now we have to bounce and rock and pacify and use white noise and do whatever else it takes to calm him down to sleep.

Bennett Lee. the birth story.

Our third son Bennett Lee was born on January 11th, but it's taken me a while to sit down and write out his birth story.  I've tried a few times before this, but I couldn't do it.  Seeing his birth in writing makes it so .... permanent.

I've learned that it takes time to process a birth - not only the happenings but also the emotions entwined in it.  Birth isn't just physical.  It's emotional.  So very very emotional.  And this birth was so different from both of my others - both physically and emotionally.  Not better or worse.  Just .... different.  But now that I've had some time to process my feelings and recount the day's happenings, I'm finally at a place where I can write it down.  So here goes.

Our due date was January 10th, but since my first two babies came a few days past their due dates, I really wasn't expecting a baby until at least Jan 15th.  Not sure why I had that date stuck in my head, but there it was.  So it was no surprise that I woke up pregnant on January 11th, a Saturday.  I did, however, wake up to a few "stronger than Braxton Hicks" contractions.  Nothing too serious, but strong enough to wake me up.  I tried timing them, but I was tired and telling time at 4am is not my strong suit.  They were perhaps 10-15 minutes apart.  Maybe this is it?  But 7am comes around, the two noisy big brothers roll out of bed yelling at each other and, as suspected, contractions spaced out to nearly non-existent.

Chris took the boys down stairs and started making breakfast while I enjoyed an extra half hour of sleep.  I eventually waddle downstairs and join them for breakfast.  I told Chris I had had a few contractions, but it's most likely nothing.  The boys are still bickering with each other (hello cabin fever) and I feel like crap!  As it turns out, I developed a lovely case of shingles that week.  Yes, shingles.  So not only am I 40 weeks pregnant, but I have this painful, burning rash wrapped around my rib cage.  Lovely.  So Chris graciously offers to take the boys out to the zoo so I can enjoy some quiet time alone.  I love that man!

While they were gone, I tried timing these contractions but they were the farthest thing from consistent.  10 minutes apart.  Then 8, 15, 12, 7, 14 minutes apart.  They were strong enough to cause me to pause during each one, but the inconsistency made me believe I was in super early labor (if I was in labor at all).  I texted my doula (who lives an hour away) to let her know to keep her phone close by, but I really wasn't expecting anything to pick up until maybe that evening when the boys went to bed.  The contractions weren't consistent and with  the kids awake, I knew nothing would progress.  And besides, who has a baby in the middle of the day anyway??

After the boys left, I putsed around the house - I took a shower, dried my hair, prepped a crock pot meal for supper, made sandwiches for the boys' lunch - all the while having these really random contractions.  It felt good to lean forward during them.  And each contraction I felt solely in my lower abdomen.  In fact, I had to feel the top of my uterus with my hand to see if it was even contracting that high.  It was.  You see, this baby sat sooooo low throughout my whole pregnancy that all my broad ligaments were maxed out.  Stretched, achy and cramping.  And that is where I felt each and every contraction.  It hurt, but they were mild enough that I was handling them fine.

Chris and the kids came home around 12:30pm and I sat them down for lunch.  A contraction came on and I leaned over the table to breath through it.  And then Chris starts to get a bit nervous.  "What's going on?  Are they getting stronger??  Should I call someone to come get the boys?"  They were getting stronger, but I really didn't feel the need for the boys to leave.  "I'm fine" I told him.  "They're so putsy putsy, this may not even be labor at all."  I honestly didn't think I was in labor and I really didn't want to call our whole birth team over just to have them sit around twiddling their thumbs.  But after a few more of the "stop me in my tracks" contractions, Chris calls Grandma Gale to get the boys.  And then he starts filling the birth pool!

"What are you doing?!??  This is a little premature, don't you think??"  And now Brooks and Carter were getting excited too.  They're hovering around the pool asking "Is the baby coming today?  Are you going to get in the water and push the baby out, Mama?"   I didn't even know what to say to them.  Um ..... maybe?  The baby might come today.  I didn't want to get their hopes up if this turned out to not be labor after all.  And while the pool is filling, Chris is packing the boys' backpack, pulling down the boxes filled with our birth supplies and getting the house ready to have a baby.

Whoa!  Seriously?  We're doing this?  I am NOT in labor and we do NOT need these things!  He was making me nervous with all his bustling about.  Several times I told him to sit down.  Finally he stops and says to me "Do you NOT remember how fast Carter's labor was?  I need to get all this set up so that I can focus on you.  You don't want me filling the birth pool when labor really picks up and you need me."

Fine.  I finally conceded to his birth preparations.  I breathed through a few more contractions while he worked.  Grandma and Papa Gale arrived a little before 2pm.  A contraction came while they were here, so I stepped into the bathroom, breathed though it and them come back out to chat with them.  I still felt kind of silly asking them to take the boys so early, but even if labor did stall out, I would at least enjoy a quiet afternoon with my husband.  That would be nice.  I kiss both the boys good-bye and they all head out.

After they left, Chris made me some toast and I sat down to eat lunch.  A few stronger contractions came while I was eating and I told Chris to call Sara, our doula.  Since she was coming from Vermillion, an hour away, and has two young children of her own, I wanted to give her enough time to make it here.  She offered to send over her back-up doula, Niki, until she arrived but we declined.  Labor was still going slow and we were handling things fine.  Chris was timing contractions now and they were finally settling into an every 8 minute pattern.  We contemplated calling our midwife, but decided we'd wait until things picked up a bit.  I just knew this was going to be my "all day" labor.

When I finished eating, I laid down on the couch for a bit.  The contractions hurt more while laying down so I got up and knelt over the couch.  That felt better.  Then I moved over to the floor by the pool.  It was the middle of the afternoon and the sun was beaming in though the window.  I wanted to sit in the sunshine.  So there I am.  Sitting on the floor - just soaking up the warmth of the sun.  Contractions were getting stronger, but still 8 minutes apart.  Chris and I were talking and laughing in between them.  And it was nice.  It was how I pictured labor to be.  Calm and relaxed.  I even joked with Chris, Wouldn't it be great if we had a baby before supper? knowing fully that this labor would go well into the evening.

A little after 3pm, I had a few contractions that were 5 minutes apart.  We decided to call Debbie, our midwife.  And then I decided I wanted to get in the birth pool.  Contractions were becoming increasingly stronger and I wanted to relax in the water.  About 3:15pm, Sara arrives and finishes getting the house ready for the birth - making our bed, laying out plastic sheets and such.

When I first sat in the water, it felt so good.  The warm water was as relaxing as I thought it would be.  And then I had a few contractions.  Whooo, were they strong.  Having never labored in such a big pool before, I wasn't quite sure how to situate myself.  But I ended up on my knees, leaning over the edge of the pool.  And now, after just a few minutes in the water, these contractions became really intense.  I mean, barely making it through each one kind of intense.  I was relaxing as best as I could, moaning, yelling and cutting off the circulation in Chris' hand.  But still they came even stronger.  And that's when the fear set in.  I still have it in my head that this is going to last several more hours, and I can barely handle it right now.  I felt like I was drowning in these contractions.  I wasn't sure if I could handle even a few more, let alone countless more over the next few hours.  And because all the pain is still concentrated on my cramping ligaments, it didn't matter how much I relaxed during each contraction.  They still hurt like hell.  This was not peaceful.  Or relaxing.  And all of a sudden, this was no fun at all.

A little after 3:30pm, Debbie and her assistant arrived.  I heard her come in, but I never saw her until after Bennett was born since I had my head buried in a towel on the edge of the pool, overwhelmed with contractions.

And then the mother of all contractions came.  And about the time it was "supposed" to be over, it wasn't.  It just kept coming.  And coming.  And coming.  For 4 minutes it came.  I remember saying out loud "It's not stopping.  Why is it not stopping?"  And I officially panicked.  I truly doubted my ability to birth this baby.  I questioned our decision to have this baby at home - away from all drugs & pain relief.  And for the first time during any of my labors, I was really scared.  Chris kept saying what a good job I was doing.  Sara was telling me that the baby was coming soon.  But I didn't believe a word of it.  I was handling these contractions terribly and I still had hours to go.

(I'm pretty sure at this point everyone knew I was in transition .... except me.)

And just about that time, a contraction came and I grunted at the peak of it.  Wait.  Was that a push?  I can't be pushing, can I?  This must be what's called "wishful" pushing.  Because as much as I wanted to be pushing, I still didn't believe I was at the end of labor.  It had just started after all.

And then with the next few contractions, I pushed.  But I still wasn't sure if that's what I was really doing.  The sensations are totally different in the water.  I felt pressure, but not the bearing down sensation I felt with the other two boys.  In fact, I actually reached my hand down to feel if there was a baby even coming.  Sure enough.  There was.  My bag of water was still intact, because that's what I actually felt.  But I knew baby was right behind it.  And I kept thinking "Does anyone know I'm pushing?  Is it ok that I'm pushing?"  Because no one said anything.  Not a word.  Our midwife just stood by and quietly observed.  I felt like I should have mentioned that a head was coming, but I couldn't get the words out.  She obviously knew what was going on, but it was just so different to not be given any instructions - to just allow my body to push as I felt the urge to push.  With a few more grunts and pushes, the head was out.  It just kind of ... slid out.  Birthing in the water is so different.  It didn't really hurt.  Just a whole lot of pressure.

With the next contraction (which seemed to take forever to come) I started pushing out the rest of this baby.  Chris was still holding my hands, and Debbie said to him "Dad, if you want to catch this baby, you better get back there."  Apparently neither of us knew baby was coming this quick!  So he rushed back, and just as the baby was slipping out, Chris caught him in the water and lifted him up.

I turned over and was finally able to meet this baby face to face!!  And as Chris handed him to me he said with tears in his eyes "We have a little boy".  I couldn't believe it.  I felt like labor just started and here was this sweet baby boy already in my arms.  He was beautiful with dark hair and the cutest little snorts and grunts as he cried.  Our third son was absolutely perfect.

Bennett Lee was born at 3:45pm, less than 10 minutes after Debbie arrived and about 30 minutes after Sara arrived.  My friend Katie, our photographer, was still on her way.  She missed the birth, but thankfully Sara grabbed our camera and took pictures for us.  I'm so thankful that she did.

About 20 minutes after Bennett was born, Katie showed up and took some more pictures.  Niki, another doula and friend, also came to offer her support.  We were surrounded by so many fantastic people.  I'm still overwhelmed thinking about how blessed and loved we were (and still are!).

After he handed me my baby, Chris climbed in the pool with me and we both became acquainted with our new son.  What an amazing feeling to be holding this child that we've been waiting for for the last nine months.  I cried.  Chris cried.  Both so very thankful for all we've been blessed with.

It didn't take long to again realize how different the water made this birth.  Because when I normally feel the instant relief after birth, I still hurt.  My uterus hurt.  Now my bottom hurt.  And the post birth contractions still hurt like crazy.  I couldn't quite figure out why, since the baby was already out.  But every few minutes a contraction came and I would wince in pain.  Focusing on the baby helped some, but I was really ready to be done with these contractions.  I had put in my time and was done.

After an hour of skin to skin and bonding with Bennett, Debbie mentioned that we really needed to get the placenta out.  I was surprised that it still hadn't come.  She suggested that I get out of the pool to push it out.  We cut the umbilical cord so I could get out, and Chris was able to enjoy skin to skin time with our sweet boy.

I started to stand up to move out of the tub, but was instantly struck with a major cramp and I sat back down in the pool.  Good grief, why did these contractions hurt so bad?  And where was this darn placenta?  In birth's past, it's detached on it's own and the midwife just pulled it out.  But not today.  With Sara and Niki's help, I did eventually get out of the tub.  I squatted on the floor and had to actually push out my placenta, which I didn't really want to do since everything still hurt, but it had to come out.

I will never again give birth without doulas.  What amazing people!!

After that ordeal, I finished drying off and settled in on the couch.  Finally I felt some relief.  And it felt so good to lay down.  And here's the cool part.  While I was resting and nursing my baby, Debbie and her assistant, along with help from my doulas, all starting cleaning everything up.  Draining the pool, starting the laundry, washing up dishes, deflating the pool.  It was awesome.  Within a couple of hours you would have never known we just had a baby in our living room.  I got dressed, Katie ran and grabbed us some dinner (because we ended up having this baby before dinner after all!) and we - me, Chris and all our friends - sat around our living room, just hanging out and talking.  It was fantastic.  We were just at home, comfortable and relaxed.  And now we had a new baby to hold.

The two big brothers came home around 7pm that night and were able to meet their new brother.  They were so so excited to meet him and hold him!  They were just as anxious for him to arrive as we were.

And when everyone went home and the boys were tucked into their beds, we went to bed too.  In our own bed.  In our own house.  With no one interrupting us every hour to sign paperwork, check vitals or any of that other hospital protocol.  It was amazing.  And even though we had good births in the hospital, I am absolutely sold on home birth.  If we decide to have more children, I would love to have them at home!!

Bennett Lee

We're proud to introduce:

Bennett Lee Anderson

January 11, 2014

3:45pm

8lb 5oz, 21" long

We are all so in love with him!  Brooks constantly asks to hold Bennett and Carter loves to rock him in his chair.  He's just fantastic and a wonderful little snuggler.  We are thrilled to add another prince to our family!!  (thus further solidifying my role as Queen :)

I'll write up his birth story hopefully soon.  It was a crazy one!

Humbled. Blessed. Grateful.

We're a pretty scheduled bunch around here.  Chris and I are both firstborns.  Brooks is obviously a first born.  And Carter?  Well, Carter is just trying to survive among us.  One such regularly scheduled event is grocery shopping.  Every Monday morning we head to Hy-Vee to do our weekly grocery shopping.  Every Monday.  Like clockwork.  In fact, this is so ingrained into my four year old that one day he randomly said, "You know what would be funny??  If we went to Hy-Vee on a Tuesday!"

Yes, my son, that would be funny.

Well, such a funny thing happened this week.  With yesterday's high temp a balmy -15 with wind chills close to -50 (that's 50 degrees BELOW zero), we clearly didn't make it to the grocery store.  We didn't even leave our house.  So tonight, as our fridge was running a bit bare, we all headed to the grocery store as a family.  I know I could have gone by myself (and boy that would have been nice), but with being 39+ weeks pregnant, I gladly accepted my husband's help in loading and unloading groceries.

Knowing that baby could arrive literally any day now, I planned my menu to include meals I could double and freeze.  Plus stock up on other essentials in case I don't make it to the store next week Monday (I'm really hoping I won't make it to the store next week).  Well, with all that extra food needed for the extra meals, our grocery budget for this week was going to go over.  Waaaaay over.  I cut things out, rearranged meals and tried to make it work, but there was no way around spending the extra money.  But, I figured, after baby came we would be eating off these reserves and wouldn't be spending as much in the weeks to come.  "It will all work out" I told myself.

So we shopped.  The boys did great (despite our radical change in routine) and we headed to the check-out.  And then it happened.  That moment when God whispers (or perhaps shouts) to you that He cares.

Chris is unloading all the groceries, I'm trying to get the boys bundled back up in hats and mittens before heading outside and this lady - a complete stranger - walks up to me and asks, "Can I do something for you?"

Um, sure.

She then proceeds to open an envelope and pull out a card from inside.  She explains to me that her employer gave her an opportunity to bless someone and to "pay it forward".  She'd had this card since Christmas, but forgot about it in her purse until tonight.  Then she hands me a $50 prepaid Visa gift card and said she wanted to help pay for our groceries.

I seriously had no idea what to say to her. I was so humbled.  Blessed.  Grateful.  So in as many words as I could muster I told her "thank you" and hugged her.  (I rarely hug my friends, let alone strangers, but I didn't know how else to respond.)  I don't think she really knew the enormity of that random act of kindness.  There's no way she could have known our situation - how "over budget" our shopping trip was.

But the amazing thing is that God did!  He knew.  He knew we would be at the store on Tuesday evening instead of Monday morning.  He knew that she would "forget" about that gift card until tonight.  And He knew not only how much we needed the grocery money, but also how much I needed that reminder that He will always know our needs and provide for every single one of them.

IF I were to register ...

Being that this is Baby #3 for us, we aren't planning on a baby shower.  And that's ok.  Really.  We have everything we need .... diapers, a few clothes, a bed and food (I've got that one covered).  Babies don't need much.  But IF I were to create a baby registry for this kiddo, of the things that I want, this is what I would include....

(And I would like to note: I don't expect anyone to buy us anything.  I really don't.  This is more just a list for my own sake, so I can start gathering these things.  But if you feel so inclined to bless our family, we would truly be grateful!)

Swaddle blankets.  This seems odd that we would need these.  Before Brooks was born we had more baby blankets than I thought we could ever use.  Ever.  But over the last four years they've been used for both boys as actual swaddle blankets, with Carter as spit-up ponchos and now as diaper changing pads .... so yeah, we could use some new ones.

Carseat cover.  In the past, we've always just thrown a blanket over the car seat to keep the wind out.  But with this being our first "winter baby" and with the wicked way the wind blows here, I figure it would be good to have something that secures to the car seat itself to keep Poppy warm and out of the wind.



Wet bag.  We cloth diaper.  And we only have one wet bag.  And while it's big enough to hold all the diapers we use, it's nice to have a second for when the first is in the wash.  I'm not picky about color or whether it's store bought or home made.  It's going to hold poopy diapers.  But it would just be nice to have one more.

(It's for this kind of thing - and the car seat cover - that I wish I knew how to sew.)

Amber Necklace.  10.5 - 11.5".  We bought an amber necklace when Carter started teething, and holy "no more screaming" batman does that thing work!  I would LOVE to have one for when this baby starts teething too!  And oooh, and let me check.  Yep!  I even have a discount code (SAVE).  Sweet.

NB & Size 1 Disposable Diapers.  Yes, I know I said we cloth diaper.  And we do.  But I usually don't start with the fluff until baby is a few months old.  I don't feel like it's a worthwhile investment to buy XS cloth diapers for the few months that they would wear them.  Plus, newborn babies poop all.the.time. and I would be doing waaaaay more laundry than I would care to do postpartum.  So we'll need disposables.

NB - 18 month clothes.  Considering we already have two kids (and boxes upon boxes of clothes in the garage), it feels odd knowing I'm going to need new clothes for this baby.  I mean, if it's a girl we'll obviously need clothes.  She may not be too keen about wearing firetruck and dinosaur jammies.  I know I won't be.  But even if it's a boy, we'll need new clothes.  My first two kids were summer babies and with this kiddo coming in January, all the clothes we have are totally opposite season.  Grrr.  So I'm sure I'll be keeping my eye out for good sales and certainly be hitting up the consignment stores after baby comes.

30 weeks. Still cooking.

Here we are, three fourths of the way through this pregnancy, and I'm gonna be honest.  I'm pretty sure I'm in denial about ever having this baby.  To me, January still seems a reeeeally longs ways away.  But with it being November now, it's a whole lot closer than I realize.  I guess it's good that I'm not too anxious and I do have a lot to keep me busy until baby comes.  You know, with Christmas and stuff.  I'm just really content with life right now.  And the fact that I currently sleep through the night.

Hmmm, what else is new ....

• Baby moves and wiggles like crazy!  Sometimes quick jabs, other times little flutters and yet other times just some nice slow stretches.  It's super duper fun.
• Baby gets hiccups.  And I'm pretty sure he doesn't like them.  At all.  I'll feel a few rhythmic hiccups, then quick flailing and kicks.  A few more hiccups.  More kicks and jabs.  Something tells me this will be the baby that cries when he gets the hiccups.
• No, we still don't know the gender and no, I don't have even a good guess.  My mother intuition kind of sucks.  But for simplicity sake, and the fact that I hate calling the baby "it", I usually just refer to the kiddo as "he".  
• Baby is sitting low and breech. (because you all wanted to know his position, didn't you?)  The sitting low part isn't so bad except for the occasional groin pains and the "constantly having to pee" thing.  And baby has been breech for a few weeks now.  I know I shouldn't be nervous.  But yet, I kind of am.  I have a chiropractor appointment tomorrow where we'll hopefully get this kiddo moving in the right direction.
• Overall, I still feel pretty good.  Some lower back aches, some groin pains when I squat too much, but otherwise I'm good.  I thought for sure I would be a sobbing wreck after teaching 12+ hours this weekend, but I feel good.  Well, at least no worse than I did before my weekend class.
• As I'm coming into the last few weeks of pregnancy, I'm realizing I don't really like shoes.  My two boys were summer babies and I could wear flip flops when I hit the "I can't reach my feet" stage.  Winter?  Not gonna work.  (although it did give me a good excuse to go shoe shopping :)  And not only do I have to worry about my shoes, I also have 4 little feet in my family that, for some reason, need shoes before we leave the house.  They're so needy.  Brooks is good about putting on his own shoes, but Carter... not so much.  And if he doesn't want to put on shoes, he makes it very very difficult for me to put shoes on him.  He's so.stubborn.  Oh well.  At least now I own tennis shoes that don't need to be tied and boots that slide on Carter's feet in about 30 seconds, so that helps.

20 weeks. Shouldn't this be a little more "ho hum"?

We look-ee here.  20 weeks!  (Well, I'm actually 21 weeks.  But let's just pretend I posted this on time) Half way done with this pregnancy.  Well, half-ish.  My first two babies came after their due dates and I'm expecting the same with this one.  So I suppose I'm close  to half way.  To be honest, I really don't care or keep track.

Anyway, I'm 20 weeks and here's some thoughts ....

• Time during the beginning of this pregnancy was very definitive.  Not long days, not short.  Time just trekked along at a normal speed.  (Profound, right?)  I think it was a combination of anxiousness to meet our new family member and wanting it to slow down a bit so I could remember and enjoy it.  I also love this stage of our life.  Brooks is 4 and a super fun kid to hang out with.  Carter is just a few days shy of turning 2 and is becoming much more verbal and independent.  And they both sleep through the night (hallelujah!)  Not that I'm not excited for baby to come, I'm just super enjoying being a family of four right now!  Plus .....
• I like being pregnant.  I really do.  I know some mamas have awful pregnancies and for many reasons, they have every right to totally hate being pregnant.  But I love it.  I love knowing there is a small human being growing inside me.  I love my expanding baby bump.  I love taking on the extra responsibility of eating really well, exercising, and praying more.  That, and I feel great!  People don't believe me, but I do.  Now, keep in mind that I'm in the 2nd trimester "sweet spot" of pregnancy, but I'm pretty sure when all the "oh, my aching lower back" and "I think I just peed my pants" comments start coming .... I'll still love being pregnant.  Maybe.  But how often in life does one get to do this?  I better enjoy it while I can.
• I felt the baby move right around 17 weeks.  It took a while to distinguish the gas bubbles from baby flutters, but now they are definite little kicks.  And kiddo is getting stronger.  Chris even felt him/her move around!
• This is baby #3.  We've done this twice before.  I feel like this should be old news.  Ya know, the "been there, done that" kind of stuff.  It's totally not!  I still nearly cried the first time I heard the heart beat.  Chris still runs to my side to put my hand on my tummy when I tell him the baby is moving.  I'm super excited (and a little bit nervous) to meet this new person.  I bought my first new gift for the baby last week - a hand knit newborn hat.  It's adorable.  Seriously, adorable.  And I get all misty eyed looking at it, thinking that a real baby will be wearing it.  But not just any baby ... my baby.  Weird.  And totally awesome!
• I've gained a lot more weight with this baby than I have with my other pregnancies up to this point.  It may have something to do that I was also my smallest weight when I became pregnant with this baby. I mean, I'm still not huge, but some days that extra 25lb really makes me feel like it.  Normally I can wear my pre-pregnancy pants unbuttoned at this point but now I can't even get them over my rear end.  (sigh)  Oh well.  I know I'm eating healthy, getting enough protein and fruits & veggies and exercising regularly.  I just eat when I'm hungry to make sure baby is receiving the nutrients it needs.  It will all come off (at least that's what I'm telling myself ;)

Growing ....

Yep, it's true.  Our family is growing.  And, consequently, so is my belly!  Quite rapidly I might add.  We're all so excited as we prepare and await for Baby #3 to arrive sometime in January.  This baby is what we'd like to call a "planned surprise" ... or something like that.  Back this winter/spring we knew that we were wanting to grow our family.  We made some plans, set a timeline for when we would get pregnant (bahahaha ... are you laughing yet?  Because I am!) and (surprise!!) none of it came to pass.  So the positive pregnancy test came a little sooner than we had "planned" but we're still so happy!

And to answer your questions ....

... I'm feeling great!  I was really tired & starving the first trimester, but not sick.  And now that my energy has returned and my appetite has subsided some, I'm feeling pretty much back to normal.  Whatever that means.
... we're due the middle of January.
... no, we don't know what we're having and no, we're not going to find out.  No ultrasound = no gender reveal.
... we've nicknamed the baby "Poppy".
... yes, I'm really only 16 weeks pregnant, even though I look much bigger than that.  (ok, no one's really asked that question, but I know some are thinking it)  When pregnant with Brooks, I wore my pre-pregnancy jeans until 16 weeks.  With Carter, I fit in them until 10 weeks.  Baby #3?  6 weeks.  Six whole weeks before having to break out the stretchy pants.
... yes, we would like a girl and no, we won't be disappointed if we have a boy.  We're looking forward to the surprise and will obviously be happy either way.
... Brooks wants a girl.  He's made that very clear.  His reasoning?  "Well, I already have a baby brother.  Now I need a baby sister."
... We're still seeing a midwife with this pregnancy, but not the one we saw with the boys.  We hired a homebirth midwife.  Because we're having a homebirth!  And we couldn't be more excited about it!!! I'll tell you more about that later.

All in all, things are going really well.  I love being pregnant and I'm looking forward to when I can start feeling baby move around!